Introducing Mortimer

I'd like to take a moment to introduce everyone to Mortimer. He is my green bumper-less 1996 Mitsubishi Mirage with almost 175,000 miles on him. My family bought Mortimer back in 1997 and he has been the means of transportation for my dad for several years, my brother Mike when he was in college for a few years and I have now been driving Mortimer since the Summer of 2003. Mortimer's "check engine" light has been on pretty much all the time since sometime in 2003...although there was a 2-week period a few years ago when the "check engine" light turned off. I was really worried about him during that time, but became relieved when I turned the engine on and saw that familiar red glow of the "check engine" light. Whew!
Mortimer has endured some tough times. His rear bumper is held on by a wire hanger. As you can see, his front bumper is no longer attached at all. This is due to an incident that occurred in the Spring of 2005. I went out to go to work one morning and found that Mortimer's bumper was missing and was nowhere in sight. I knew the vehicle I had parked next to the night before and the white paint on Mortimer matched not only the white paint from the van, but also the scratches on the van seemed to have some green Mortimer paint on it. We filed a police report and didn't hear anything for several months and the final verdict was that the driver of the van denied that he ran into poor little Mortimer and the Police Department didn't have the resources to come out and compare marks on the 2 vehicles which would have PROVEN that the driver of the white van was the culprit. Oh, well!
For a while now I have had the feeling that Mortimer needs to go out in a blaze of glory. Here's my plan: When I know that he is on his last leg I will take him on a road trip and just drive him until he completely dies. (This is different than just "mostly dead.") When he does die I will dispose of him in the quickest and least-expensive manner and either hitch a ride home or find a new vehicle wherever. There are a few problems. Here are the top 3:
1. Emily will most likely never let me do this.
2. When I decide Mortimer is on his last leg he will probably still run for another 75,000 miles.
3. He will probably die in Tenney, Minnesota. Tenney has a population of 6 people and I would probably have to hike a long distance to find a place to catch a bus back home.

I don't have to worry about this right now. Mortimer will at least make it to 200,000 miles...